November has been a crazy month. It's been a time of adjusting my life around working full-time. I'm still working out the kinks of not having much down time during the week, but having longer weekends definitely helps.
I love my job. I was really nervous the first week, a little nervous the second week, and not nervous at all last week. I'm really comfortable using the dental software (I'm a receptionist at a dental office), and my comfort level at being on the phone has gone way up. I really like my coworkers, and I'm getting into the groove of things.
Right now I'm visiting my parents for the long weekend. I have to work the day after Thanksgiving, so I can't travel to be with family for the actual holiday. I decided to make the most of my Friday off and spend take this weekend as my holiday visit. Christmas will be spent with my dad's family, and I'm really excited about that.
Time is a funny thing. I felt like I had too much time, that I didn't use my time well when I didn't have a job. Now that I'm working full time, I never seem to have enough time during the week. I don't journal as much, I clearly haven't been blogging as much, and I have a hard time finding time and energy to get in some exercise during the week. Even though I have less time for myself, I feel happier. Getting a job didn't magically solve all my problems, and I still need to be on a tight budget, but I don't have to let those things determine the state of my inner peace. I still have to trust every day that God will provide for my needs, and I still need to make it a priority to spend some time focused on God every day.
I like my life right now. For the most part, I like who I am, or at least who I'm becoming. I like working hard, paying my bills, and making responsible, grown up decisions. It's not such a bad phase of life to be in. :)
Showing posts with label Job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Job. Show all posts
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
God's Goodness
God is good. Today I got offered a job that I really wanted, and after 5+ months of unemployment it feels so amazing. It's really easy to say that God is good after I get news like this. So I emailed my friends and family about the job, I told them that God is good, and I prayed and thanked God.
As I was praying, I realized that God is always good. I prayed, "God, you are so good. Thank you so much for this job. But you would be good even if I hadn't gotten it." God is good no matter what our circumstances are. It's easier for me to believe in his goodness when I feel good, when I get good news. It's a lot harder for me to see God's goodness when I'm feeling depressed, lonely, and hopeless. God isn't fickle. He doesn't choose to be good some times and other times choose not to be. Yes, his goodness runs alongside his justice and mercy, so it's hard to understand sometimes why bad things happen in life, but he is still good.
God is good. God is love. And he will always be those things no matter what your life looks like.
As I was praying, I realized that God is always good. I prayed, "God, you are so good. Thank you so much for this job. But you would be good even if I hadn't gotten it." God is good no matter what our circumstances are. It's easier for me to believe in his goodness when I feel good, when I get good news. It's a lot harder for me to see God's goodness when I'm feeling depressed, lonely, and hopeless. God isn't fickle. He doesn't choose to be good some times and other times choose not to be. Yes, his goodness runs alongside his justice and mercy, so it's hard to understand sometimes why bad things happen in life, but he is still good.
God is good. God is love. And he will always be those things no matter what your life looks like.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
On Being Unemployed
Today I feel pretty unmotivated to find a job. I did spend some time searching, and I responded to a couple of job postings. But I didn't feel excited about any of the jobs. I don't feel excited about working full time. I didn't particularly care for it last time I was working.
I like when I work hard and earn my wages. It feels really good to pay my bills on time with money I earned by working hard. It gives me a sense of purpose, and it gets me out of my apartment and makes me more productive.
I still don't want to work full time. My last job was very stressful. I love kids. I love babies. But working with up to 12 babies a day for eight hours? Not so fun. And my coworkers were nice people, but I had no connection with them. I was very clearly an outsider, even after working there for six months. I hated how alone I felt working in a room with other adults and full of babies. When I got laid off, in addition to the hurt I felt over losing my job abruptly with no time to say goodbye to the families or my coworkers, I was hurt by how little my coworkers cared. I know that they were probably glad they still had jobs, but that's one of the most clear times I can remember when I felt like I did not matter to these people one iota.
So I'm wary about finding another job, because I'm afraid that it will be life-sucking and stressful. I want time to enjoy my passions, like acting. It was hard to work full time and then drive across the cities for a long night of rehearsal. Totally worth it, but hard. And my spiritual life is so much better now than it was when I was working. I look forward to Tuesday services, Sunday services, my small groups. I have more free time, which means feeling less rushed about fitting in time to read my Bible. Plus, I can't describe the peace I feel about my finances. I was constantly worried about having enough money for my bills when I was working 40 hours a week. I was always looking at my calender, figuring out when I would get paid and when certain bills were due, and it was so stressful not knowing if I would have enough money for gas in my car, let alone groceries. I get around half of what I made at my job from unemployment. I've had an odd babysitting job here and there, but nothing steady. And yet my bills are all paid on time. I trust that God will provide somehow. I trust that more now without a job than I did when I had a job.
Whenever I'm talking about my job hunt, I usually get asked what my dream job is. I hate that question, because either of my two life passions are not paths I can take to pay my bills. I want to be a wife and mom who focuses on raising her kids, and I want to be an actor. I am involved with theatre as much as I can be right now, but it certainly doesn't pay, and I don't have the right combination of talent, skill, and marketability to make it in the industry professionally. Which is OK, because I really feel like getting to perform is its own reward. There's nothing like the rush of being backstage, waiting to go on, or the feeling of walking offstage at the end, letting out a big breath, and knowing that you did your best and it was good.
I don't know what will happen next. I don't know how long it will be before I find work, or what kind of job I'll end up getting. Right now, I'm working on figuring out who I am and trying to be the best me I can be. I've been doing a lot of reading, and it feels good to expand my knowledge. I'm learning the lighting at church, and it feels good to learn a new skill in an area of interest. I'm working on crochet and knitting projects that I started in high school. This was not a planned break, but I'm definitely making the most of it so that when I have a job again I'll know who I am and how to stay true to myself.
I like when I work hard and earn my wages. It feels really good to pay my bills on time with money I earned by working hard. It gives me a sense of purpose, and it gets me out of my apartment and makes me more productive.
I still don't want to work full time. My last job was very stressful. I love kids. I love babies. But working with up to 12 babies a day for eight hours? Not so fun. And my coworkers were nice people, but I had no connection with them. I was very clearly an outsider, even after working there for six months. I hated how alone I felt working in a room with other adults and full of babies. When I got laid off, in addition to the hurt I felt over losing my job abruptly with no time to say goodbye to the families or my coworkers, I was hurt by how little my coworkers cared. I know that they were probably glad they still had jobs, but that's one of the most clear times I can remember when I felt like I did not matter to these people one iota.
So I'm wary about finding another job, because I'm afraid that it will be life-sucking and stressful. I want time to enjoy my passions, like acting. It was hard to work full time and then drive across the cities for a long night of rehearsal. Totally worth it, but hard. And my spiritual life is so much better now than it was when I was working. I look forward to Tuesday services, Sunday services, my small groups. I have more free time, which means feeling less rushed about fitting in time to read my Bible. Plus, I can't describe the peace I feel about my finances. I was constantly worried about having enough money for my bills when I was working 40 hours a week. I was always looking at my calender, figuring out when I would get paid and when certain bills were due, and it was so stressful not knowing if I would have enough money for gas in my car, let alone groceries. I get around half of what I made at my job from unemployment. I've had an odd babysitting job here and there, but nothing steady. And yet my bills are all paid on time. I trust that God will provide somehow. I trust that more now without a job than I did when I had a job.
Whenever I'm talking about my job hunt, I usually get asked what my dream job is. I hate that question, because either of my two life passions are not paths I can take to pay my bills. I want to be a wife and mom who focuses on raising her kids, and I want to be an actor. I am involved with theatre as much as I can be right now, but it certainly doesn't pay, and I don't have the right combination of talent, skill, and marketability to make it in the industry professionally. Which is OK, because I really feel like getting to perform is its own reward. There's nothing like the rush of being backstage, waiting to go on, or the feeling of walking offstage at the end, letting out a big breath, and knowing that you did your best and it was good.
I don't know what will happen next. I don't know how long it will be before I find work, or what kind of job I'll end up getting. Right now, I'm working on figuring out who I am and trying to be the best me I can be. I've been doing a lot of reading, and it feels good to expand my knowledge. I'm learning the lighting at church, and it feels good to learn a new skill in an area of interest. I'm working on crochet and knitting projects that I started in high school. This was not a planned break, but I'm definitely making the most of it so that when I have a job again I'll know who I am and how to stay true to myself.
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